Monday, July 30, 2012

Vent

       I had an English teacher in high school (Mrs. T) who was quite a character. When asked my a friend of mine "How are you always in such a good mood?" This was what she said to do. She said "Well, when I get up in the morning and am getting ready for work, I sit in front of the mirror and laugh at myself, I literally just sit there and start laughing. At first it's a little bit forced but after a while it really starts to be funny." I am going to try this tomorrow, because I am having a completely shitty day. I literally have no patience for bullshit. I've tried to meditate, I have tried "talking it out", I have tried meds (yeah I'm that girl. The one on medicine to help me sleep at night, because I just can't TURN it off. Let me explain what that means, to those of you who aren't insomniacs. I worry, constantly, both about things I can control and the things that are not in my power to fix. The quietest times of the day/night are the WORST. 
     Here lately I have had a combination of all of the most severe worries at once. I'm fuckingsickofit. I hear that I am not good enough at blank   and then it's on. So to those of you who read this that may possibly be in my life (IRL) and reading this (there aren't many) FUCKING STOP. I'm sick of instability, I'm sick of coming up short. I'm sick of the lack of emotional support from the people who are supposed to be positive influences in my life. Yeah, my past WAS gray. Whofuckingcares? Nobody is perfect and the past is the past. If you were in my life at one of my low points, don't feel the need to compare me to that, because I HAVE bettered myself, and I AM moving forward. To those of you stuck on the 15yr old version of myself, LET IT GO, I am not that girl anymore, so maybe you should let yourself come into the present with the rest of the world. If I have wronged you, I am almost positive that I have apologized. If I haven't apologized, feel free to let me know what I've done that needs an apology and I will sure give you one. Stop holding shit over my head, because you can bet your ass I'm not gonna hold anything over yours. If we had problems, ever, IRL, and you KNOW me, than you know I do not stay mad at people. Ever. 
        What I am tired of tolerating, is people who haven't forgiven me. Especially when they haven't forgiven me for something DUMB, that's OVER WITH. What I am DONE tolerating, is a cocky, "holier than thou" attitude, especially from people who have NO CLUE what life is about, much less what I have/am enduring. I'm DONE biting my tongue.  From here on out, if you have some input or advice for me, make sure I ASKED you for it before you dish it out. No, I don't always know what the fuck I am doing, but I damn sure don't need advice from overly opinionated youngsters, or loud mouths. Some people may take offense to this, well guess what, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I am tired of trying to please everyone. You'll get what you give, in my life. If you don't want to be in my life then LET ME GO. Don't sit there and stew in your disdain, just GTFO. Don't overreact when I tell you something that I feel, because I'm not going to be nice anymore. I let far too much shit slide. It's time to take care of me and mine. 
         To those of you that this doesn't apply to, carry on, sorry if I stressed you out, lol. To those of you this does apply to, I STILL LOVE YOU, just get over yourself, I don't need anymore stress. 

3 comments:

  1. "The quietest times of the day/night are the WORST." - you're absolutely right and sometimes its too much to handle - most times. But then I surf and sometimes I find a blog that "lets the crazy out", like I do in my own and I realize, we've all got shit that can be overwhelming if you let it and I just need to stop letting it. Thanks for pulling me back up to the surface from down below...

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    1. Awh love, am just now seeing this.

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    2. And thank you ;) I am glad this post reached someone!

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